It Is Your Life

Deuteronomy 32:46,47
(Moses speaking to the children of Israel)
And he said unto them, Set your hearts unto all the words which I testify among you this day, which ye shall command your children to observe to do, all the words of this law. For it is not a vain thing for you; BECAUSE IT IS YOUR LIFE: and through this thing ye shall prolong your days in the land, whither ye go over Jordan to possess it. (emphasis added)

We often hear that by obeying your parents, you add to your years. The Bible is very clear that this is true.
But here, we see that by commanding our children to walk in God's will, we also prolong our lives. Perhaps this is why He calls them our LIFE.
The first time I remember hearing my Pastor use this passage, the words "it is your life" jumped out at me and left a huge lump in my throat.
The very reason for my existence, at this moment, is to see that my children are cared for. My wife is my partner in this. We want what is best for our children. Not what is most desired by them, but what God knows is BEST for them.

Tiger Woods came on the scene not too many years ago. We all watched the pride in his father's eyes as he climbed the ranks doing what earlier society would not allow his father to do.
I can only imagine what his first green jacket meant to his father.
I used to be jealous of Tiger, because his Dad got to see him succeed. I wished mine could see some of my comparitively minor accomplishments. I wish he could see his grandkids, and my beautiful wife.
We watched Tiger cry when his father died and slipped off into eternity. I empathized with Tiger that day. Though I am not a golf fan, I became a Tiger fan. I feel he loved his Daddy just as much as I loved mine.
I was pleased to hear stories about his marriage to a beautiful woman, and later, the birth of his kids. I imagined him one day teaching his own son the game that brought his father so much joy.

Then came the wreck. Rumors started immediately. Women from all over the circuit came forward as his girlfriends. The media was abuzz. We watched him go to ridiculous clinics to be treated for equally ridiculous ailments.

Now they are divorced.
Now a mother is without her life partner.
Now children are without their father.
Now a father is without... His life.

If only we had a rewind button.

Again, I can empathize with Tiger. But with a twist, this time. You see part of my life is now separated from me because someone else became a greater influence in his life than I was.
I can reason some things away. I know we all have free will. But when I know my son spent a period sleeping in his truck; when I see him continually make choices that keep hurting him; when I lay in bed and wonder where he is, no amount of reasoning soothes my heart.

He is my life.

I do not even know all the mistakes I might have made. I don't know what to do different with my three remaining children. But I know that part of my life is missing.

God has shown me unbelievable grace in the past year since Ryan left home. He has brought me closer to my wife. He has taught me to cherish every moment with her. He has shown me how she enjoys just being with me, whether it be over coffee, or on a date.
God has taught me to cherish my children. He has shown me what is really important in their lives, and what is not needed. He has shown me how much they love seeing me act silly, just to see them smile and hear them laugh. Everyday I discover something new that I love about them. He has even given me opportunity to not be fearless, but show my youngest son how to face those fears and never back down.

I cannot say that I will not fail my children, again. But I am a changed man.

I pray as oft as I can for my son, Ryan. I pray for his safety. I pray for his health. I pray that he knows I still love him.
But most of all, I pray that God helps me to walk as I should, so that one day MY LIFE will come back to God.