How to Win Friends and Influence People, Biblically

Galatians 6:10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

I might have written on this topic before, but I was thinking about it again recently.

Dale Carnegie listed these six ways to making friends:

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.

3. Remember that a man's Name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5. Talk in the terms of the other man's interest.

6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

God's version is not all that different. I know nothing about Mr Carnegie, so it isn't too much of a stretch to wonder if he was well acquainted with Galatians chapter six.

Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

3 For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.

4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.

5 For every man shall bear his own burden.

6 Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things.

7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

I'm gonna allow you to make most of the comparisons. I just want to dwell on the scripture.

This passage contains too many good nuggets for an easy summary, but it's basically the "Golden Rule" expounded. As many have said, we are not an island to ourselves. Everything we do touches somebody.

I used to always be the one who had to "one-up" every story I heard. I have always lived a very simple life and when I heard the exciting stories others told, I felt I had to make my life just as interesting. I thought that by making my life sound interesting I could gain their respect and friendship. Looking back, I wonder how many friends I drove away due to my stories that were sometimes out-right lies. I had also picked up a good bit of sarcasm while I was in the Army. We always made jokes about each other.

People like using verses 7-9, but often never mention verse 10. NEVER miss a "therefore" in your Bible reading. Whenever you see a therefore or wherefore, even at the beginning of a chapter, see what it is tying together.

Why are we to do good unto all men? Because of what verses 7-9 say. I am not excluding these verses from other applications. I just think it would be sad to miss the direct usage. Dale Carnegie was onto something.

During the first week at a new job years ago a few coworkers mentioned how I resembled a former coworker of theirs. Then they began to talk about why they didn't like that person. They used the word "abrasive" to describe his sarcasm and talked about how much he liked to talk about himself. Turns out he didn't just "look" like me, he acted like me.

I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut and saw the fruits immediately. Not only did my coworkers like me, but management saw it, too. I was recommended by my foreman to be a foreman in another department ahead of a lot of people. I didn't get the position, but the recommendation taught me a lesson.

If I treated others as I wanted to be treated, they returned the favor.

Luke 6:31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

As my Pastor has said many times. The Bible is absolutely right on every subject it discusses. Even about human personal relations.

So what about the person who seems to not be playing by the rules? You know the one. You go out of your way to be nice to them and they are still just plain crabby. Well, first off, you should still obey Jesus. I don't see him qualifying his command by adding "only if they are nice back."

You have to go back to Galatians 6:7-9. We often use verse nine when talking about disciplining our children, and that is fine. But again, use it in context, also.

I've not perfected Mr. Carnegie's or God's plan. But using what humility I can muster has been very successful. I have found that I learn a lot listening to people. At first I may feign interest for their sake, but then I actually do become interested. I have also learned that after spending a while talking about themselves, others usually show interest in my life as well.

On a side note- I have discovered that my lack of an exciting life makes them feel even more special when they see how interested I am to hear about their more eventful lives.

I know nothing bad about Dale Carnegie other than what I had read on wikipedia. He did seem to know what he was talking about.

Look for opportunities to help others. Sometimes it is monetary, often it is not. It can be as simple as asking them how they are doing, and then stopping to listen.

Sin should be judged, but often we criticize others for not being mirror images of ourselves.

Sarcasm has its place, but use it carefully.

Remember that Jesus says that what we do to the least among us, we do unto Him.

Galatians 6:10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

Now for a list of things I need... Just kidding!